Minor Detail #7

While I do like putting together birthday videos, I also have this pet peeve with generic birthday greetings.

I think it started in 1995 when I was asked by my Grade 5 teacher to deliver a birthday greeting for my estranged best friend (at the time) IN FRONT OF CLASS. Oh the agonizing things older people make you do when you’re young! As I stood petrified in front of my classmates I remember wanting to give a genuine message to estranged best friend because I did share many memorable experiences with this person. I still considered him my best friend.

After all, estranged best friend was the first person to educate me about the birds and the bees (and everything in between), shocking the life out of me, if I may add. And we did spend the first three quarters of school wreaking havoc on the people we didn’t like (e.g., savagely tearing down a makeshift house this clique from the other class so painstakingly constructed). Estranged best friend was excellent company but one day, with no warning, he suddenly severed ties with me. Just like that, I didn’t exist to this person anymore.

So I delivered what I remembered to be a heartfelt message to this former friend who was sitting in his chair, pretending not to listen but mocking my well-wishing by making faces. I ended my greeting with, When you die, (estranged best friend), I hope you go to heaven. Now I know it reads sarcastic but — honest! — it was a sincere wish. What could I do, studying in a Christian school, this boy knew the universe was alpha, and heaven/paradise, omega. In my mind that was the best wish I could make for estranged best friend. But my classmates obviously didn’t get the sincerity as they instantly doubled over in laughter. Now, now, our teacher tried to pacify the jeering lot, that was actually a very nice message from Aldo.

Ever since, I’ve almost always made it a point to whip up a new, meaningful birthday greeting every year for people. Oh at least those who matter to me haha.

So last week I expressed such aversion to generic birthday greetings to a friend — is a basic “Happy Birthday! XD” on someone’s Facebook wall the best people can come up with? I guess it comes down to taste but that’s something I’ve never really thought well of — leaving a birthday greeting in one’s public space when a private message is certainly more personal. Also, I’ve never really understood how these generic messages have not yet been retired from our wishing well. Let’s take a look at a few, shall we?

  • I wish you all the best.
    — Why of course you do. Would you wish all the worst?
  • I wish you success, health, happiness…
    — Ditto. Would you wish failure, illness, sorrow?
  • I wish you many more birthdays to come.
    — You’re wishing for the next years. What about for this one? (Unless, of course, you gave the same greeting last year, in which case it would make sense.)
  • I don’t know what else to wish for you because you already have everything.
    — But do we? Would we still persevere if we already had everything?
  • Stay as you are.
    — Isn’t change the only permanent thing in the world? Wouldn’t “staying as you are” result in stagnation, and therefore the demise of a system?
  • You’re not getting any younger.
    — No sh*t!

And there’s probably a lot more to add to the list. Of course we’re not Hallmark, which has been churning out unique birthday greetings since 1910. But I think we can put a little more effort than just the basic Happy Birthday + (any generic message from the list above).

Certainly, special people deserve a special greeting. But un-special people, too, have birthdays and are perhaps entitled to one as well! I think there’s always a way to spin a generic greeting into something more thoughtful and personal. You want to show that you remembered the person but your greeting won’t be remembered in a sea of hackneyed statements.